this old guy eating a lollipop came up to me at ikea tonight and tapped my shoulder. i thought it was steve or my other friend, but it WASN'T.

the man quietly said, "sugar zero, sugar zero, sugar zero"

at this point i'm kind of freaked out, and start looking around for my compatriots.

as i backed away, he said, "now if anyone asks, you can tell them that a dirty old man whispered sweet nothings in your ear."

ew.