memorable quote from dr. maas, a mild mannered, christian, grandfather of 3, who is my education teacher: "I hear they have parlors where people pay to be whipped..." where in the world did that come from?

i've been a bit depressed lately. i think that half my friends would look at me doubtfully if i told them that, but i think the ones who are closer to me have noticed. and i dont really know why i'm feeling the way i do. probably, its the stress i'm going through. even though i'm almost 20, i still want to make my parents proud of me. is that why i push myself to do good in school, so i can tell them i got an a? and right now, ben is one of the most central things to my life. i want my parents to see this, and respect this. when they don't.... it hurts me.

my roomate thinks i should tell them off, say its my life and my choice. but i just can't do that. they have their own issues they are working through right now. my mom still mourning her parents death, and my dad unsure about his job situation as he has been for five years. saying something like that to my parents would basically be telling them i didnt want to have a relationship with them anymore. even if thats not the message that should be taken from the words i would say, that is what they would hear. i would like to be happy to see them again, not afraid to answer my phone when they call... i dont think they could ever understand what this does to me, no matter how many times i try to tell them.

i need this worked out, so that i can do these last two years of school, so this funk doesnt hurt my relationship with ben and with other friends, and so all i have to share with people is that i am happy with my life.

guess what i did this afternoon? i WORKED OUT! i'm not lying. isnt that amazing? carolyn was training me on how to use the wieght machines, and i did 7 of them... went for like 45 minutes. it was kinda fun. lets see if i can keep this up and get all muscle-y. :oP i shall be sore tommorow

i think that a healthy fear of cows is normal, dont you? especially when you cant turn the car around and you're surrounded by staring cows... and they're looking at you, and taller than your car, and covered with flys, and three feet away....

i dont think my roomates love me. supposedly they all live here, but carolyn is on her way home to bakersfield (she only got here last night) laura is somewhere in southern california, and monique is at band camp constantly. i stole reviving ophelia off of carolyn's bookshelf. maybe i'll get all pissed and feminist today.

my favorite fortune cookie fortunes i have recieved:

the night life is for you
leisure without study is death
a very attractive lady has a message for you
magic will be created when an unconventional person comes to stay
art is your fate: don't debate

my brother is moving into the dorms today. standing in the check in line with him made me feel like i was transported two years back. i was giving all the confused freshmen and parents directions to places and knowledgeable advice. it was kinda funny.

in other news, my apartment is now cableized. and we do NOT have any wires running all over the carpet. laura's dad is a pro

...and then, i found a dollar!

no... really. i found one. it was on the ground downtown. i gave it to ben cause he's too nice.

also, today, i took the train all the way home to irvine, and i'm driving my newly repaired car back to slo tommorow. i'll be stopping in fullerton to see stephanie. shes 8 mo along now! how exciting. ......hm..... i randomly ended up meeting the college roomate of an old friend, and sat with her on the train. that was nice, cause 7 hours is a long trip. my mommy made steak, its time to eat.

poop!

arg

i'm here! i swear... moved into a new apartment, and the first of my three roomates arrives tommorow. i'm quite happy right now. listening to "Holland, 1945" by Neutral Milk Hotel with the door to my balcony open. You'd never guess that such a happy, wonderful song would be possible, out of a concept album about Anne Frank.

also, i found an awesome band... they're called the reindeer section, and they are a supergroup thing of scottish bands. (including people from belle and sebastian, arab strap, teenage fanclub, mogawi...) and there are 27 of them. this means a lot of the songs have got an orchestra thing going on- very cool.

i moved! my stuff is in piles all over the place. :oP i get internet today, so i promise to post more soon. :o)