I saved my own life.

That's how I'm looking at it right now. The fact is, if I hadn't told my dermatologist that I was worried and wanted the mole removed, she never would have picked it out as being a problem. When I had my biopsy I asked her if there was anything strange looking about the mole to her, and she said no. She only took it because I wanted her to.

If I hadn't noticed it, who knows. I could have ended up dead in a year.

I saw the plastic surgeon today, and scheduled a miniature fleet of appointments. Stitches removal, pre op physical, surgery, post op (and I assume another round of stitches removal will be scheduled later.) As it stands they couldn't fit me in for surgery until April 20th. I hope to get a cancelation before that, because the timing isn't great for work.

When I have the surgery they will be carefully checking the skin for any evidence of migrating cancer cells. I should be okay, and if everything looks good then it is just Stage 1 and I'll have a 99% chance of being okay. Of course, there is the fact that I seem to be prone to melanoma, so I'll have to be even more careful than I've already been with my skin.

If they find more bad, then I think I'll need some lymph node biopsies, etc. I don't think my doctor expects them to find anything more.

The scar on my knee will probably be pretty big. I am hoping (oh so much) that I will come out of surgery with a normal looking scar. Depending on how it goes I may have a crazy puzzle scar if they have to move tissues around, or what I'm really afraid of.... a skin graft. I really really really don't want a skin graft, but I won't know until the surgery is over.

My priorities:
1) No more cancer in the area
2) No ugly skin graft

I'll be in a sexy leg brace for a while and will miss about a week of work.

I'm feeling a little calmer, but this is still very scary. I cried a few times today, but mostly about my puppy. I miss him....

Officially the worst day of my life.

I'm not exaggerating.

My biopsy came back and I have skin cancer. A melanoma.

...Yeah. You didn't see that one coming, did you? Neither did I. Or my doctor. Or my uncle who is also a doctor. He's never diagnosed a 26 year old with one before.

I'm not really sure, but I think it is stage 1. My doctor said stage 1 or 2, but from the thickness level (0.36 mm) and Clark level (2) the internet says I have stage 1.

I am freaking out, freaking out bad. I have chills and I feel a little like throwing up and I just don't understand how this is happening to me. Isn't that what everyone says? I thought this was something that happened to other people?

There is "very good survival" for my situation, but anything where the doctors talk about survival rates is... I don't know how to finish that sentence. I have a plastic surgery consultation on Friday as I'll need further surgery on my knee. I shouldn't have to have chemo or anything, but I'll be meeting with an oncologist at some point too.

Besides this, this very bad, very serious thing, I also had to say goodbye on the phone just now to my puppy, Ty. He is 12 years old, and has just gotten very sick. I am so sad that I can't give him a hug. He goes tomorrow at noon.

This really is an awful, awful day.

If you pray, please pray for me. If you don't, think good thoughts of calm for my heart and a healthy future for my damn stupid skin.

Veselka-Style Ukrainian Borscht and Vegan Ukrainian Borscht!

The last time I was in New York I went to my favorite restaurant in NYC, Veselka, 3 or 4 times in the week I was there. And I was staying upstate! This stuff is what my Ukrainian great-grandma would have cooked if she had ever made me borscht. (Unfortunately, I just got a lot of cabbage rolls.)

When I got home, I was obsessed with recreating Veselka's borscht. I searched all through the internet, without finding the perfect recipe... I did find some that were close, and put this together. Veselka's borscht is savory and hot, not like the more typical sweetened and even chilled Russian version. I owe much of this recipe to Leigh Witchel, from his blog post here.

This weekend I modified the recipe for my vegan friends- it turned out great! It's also cheaper to make with the lack of meat, and the flavor is just as good.

I hope you enjoy these recipes. Let me know if you try one!

Veselka-Style Ukrainian Borscht

3 medium to large beets. (Or 6 small to medium)

1 tsp vegetable oil

1 tsp butter

1/2 lb stew beef in ½ inch cubes

1 large garlic clove, minced

1 large onion, coarsely chopped

3 stalks celery, coarsely chopped
3 medium carrots, coarsely chopped


4 cups beef stock
2 cups water
1 cup canned diced tomato and liquid
½ small head cabbage.

1 15 oz. can large lima beans (aka butter beans), rinsed and drained

Seasonings to taste –
1/3 cup white vinegar

2 tsp salt

freshly ground black pepper

1 tsp Worcestershire sauce

½ tsp Tabasco

Sour cream
Fresh dill


Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Trim stalks and taproot from beets. Wash the beets and wrap in aluminum foil. Bake about 1 hour, until beets are tender and skin separates easily from the beet. Let cool. Peel beets and chop coarsely.

In a large pot, melt the butter and vegetable oil. Brown beef over medium to medium-high heat and add garlic, onion, carrots, and celery. When the onions are just translucent, add the beets and sauté another minute or so.

Add beef stock, water, and tomato. While mixture heats to a boil, slice the cabbage into ½ inch wide strips and add to pot. Simmer covered for 45 minutes to an hour, until everything is tender. 5-10 minutes before the soup is done, add the lima beans.

Season to taste. (The vinegar is really what makes this soup.)

Serve with sour cream and fresh dill.

Makes about 16 cups of soup. (Serves 4-8, depending on how many of the people you’re cooking for love borscht as much as I do.)

Vegan Ukrainian Borscht!

3 medium to large beets. (Or 6 small to medium)

2 tsp vegetable oil


1 large garlic clove, minced

1 large onion, coarsely chopped

3 stalks celery, coarsely chopped
3 medium carrots, coarsely chopped


4 cups vegetable broth
2 cups water
1 cup canned diced tomato and liquid
½ small head cabbage.

1 15 oz. can large lima beans (aka butter beans), rinsed and drained

Seasonings to taste –
1/3 cup white vinegar

2 tsp salt

freshly ground black pepper

1 tsp Worcestershire sauce

½ tsp Tabasco

Vegan sour cream substitute
Fresh dill

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Trim stalks and taproot from beets. Wash the beets and wrap in aluminum foil. Bake about 1 hour, until beets are tender and skin separates easily from the beet. Let cool. Peel beets and chop coarsely.

In a large pot, heat vegetable oil. Saute garlic, onion, carrots, and celery until onions are just translucent. Add the beets and sauté another minute or so.

Add vegetable broth, water, and tomato. While mixture heats to a boil, slice the cabbage into ½ inch wide strips and add to pot. Simmer covered for 45 minutes to an hour, until everything is tender. 5-10 minutes before the soup is done, add the lima beans.

Season to taste. (The vinegar is really what makes this soup.)

Serve with sour cream and fresh dill.

Makes about 16 cups of soup. (Serves 4-8)

Still bad, but at least this time it's funny...

It is rainy and cold, so I decided to bring the neckwarmer I knitted a few weeks ago with me to school. But... I somehow arrived at school and couldn't find it. I looked in the car and on the floor next to my desk, but no luck. In the afternoon when I talked to Steve I told him it was missing and that I thought I'd dropped it on the way out. Did he see it anywhere? No. He didn't.

Of course, I saw it as soon as I pulled into the driveway. It was in the GUTTER. Right smack in the middle of the nasty muddy rainwater filled gutter.

I washed it out 5 times in the sink, and then I threw it in the washing machine. It had huge amounts of dirt in it, in addition to little pieces of metal and chunks of plant. I'm kinda oogey feeling about wearing it next to my mouth, even though I washed it on warm.

Let's hope it's clean! Unfortunately, it did get a bit fuzzy looking with all the washing.

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My mom also had an interesting day. She drove off in our 80 year old Model A but forgot to remove a five foot long box containing a set of roof racks for our SUV from the passenger side running board before she left. Someone in our neighborhood found the box in the road and called our house to return it. She also dropped her phone in the toilet today.

I think I'm depressed. Either that, or my life really does suck right now.

My job is draining me, the state of the education system in California is.... bad. We have no house, and now Steve has no job. I'm betting I'll be pink-slipped this spring but not actually laid off.

Oh, and I have a possibly cancerous (but probably pre-cancerous at the worst) mole I need removed. My doctor wants me to skip the sissified "shave biopsy" and go straight to hard core stitches time. Which sucks, because it is on my knee. And I won't be allowed to like... walk. Which means I can't work. For a few weeks. I'm not sure if I feel happy or upset about this.